I’m having a
My journey with
Georgie Beames and the wonderful women who are part of her Freedom Support
Group, is now over a year old. I have
spent the year learning how to recognize the signs of emotional eating and what
to do about it. It’s been a fascinating,
at times difficult, journey but the evidence that it’s changed my life for the
better, in a way that no other diet, programme, counseling etc, has ever worked
for me before, is all right here before me.
I have no idea how
much I weigh, as I threw out the scales months ago. I have had to buy a whole new wardrobe
however, as I’ve definitely shrunk and I’m pretty much as small as I’ve ever
been, in my adult life and am now a healthy, slim size. I don’t give a monkeys how much I weigh and
my weight probably bounces around all over the place, but I don’t care. When the trousers begin to pinch, I know I’ve
not been eating well and it’s time to assess what’s going on. When they are slack, then the message I
receive is that things are pretty good.
What a change from the decades of trauma, over the daily, naked weigh
ins and that pound that crept on today, despite starving myself, which then
triggers a full on, three month super binge and a yo yo back up a couple of
I eat what I fancy
and yes, I am now capable of eating a packet of crisps in front of my husband,
without feeling either defiant or fearful of judgment. My marriage is stronger than it’s been in
years, which is a delicious side product of my newly found Food Freedom. My days of hiding in the pantry, scoffing
‘the bad stuff’ are over and I no longer feel the need to finish the packet and
throw away the packaging, in a desire to kid myself that I never ate it in the
I have managed all
sorts of turmoil over the year, including the death of my father and the
anxieties that come with parenting two teens, one of whom has a whole host of
challenging needs. I feel more capable
of handling the stresses of everyday life.
I have two
Firstly I have
what I’ve learned from the course, which has given me precious tools to deal
with what life throws at me. For
example, I have just spent a week performing a Musical in a professional
theatre. I made a humdinger of a mistake
during a performance, which created anxiety which previously would have been
ongoing and most likely led me to further mistakes, bingeing at home and a
whole ‘beat myself up’ response.
Instead, I knew what to do. I
used a technique we’d learned from the programme and dealt with the anxiety
then and there. It went. I carried on.
Nothing bad happened. What a
Secondly I have Georgie
and the group. They are my rock. Georgie is always there to provide a vital
guiding word and professional support.
The other women are just like me.
Flawed but deeply caring human beings, who are trying to make sense of
the world and their behavior within it.
We share, we listen, we cry, we laugh, we support, we rage, we
challenge, we care.
Which brings me
back to the beginning.
I am definitely
having a wobble. My trousers are getting
a bit tight. My eating isn’t great at
the moment and I’m dealing with some anxieties about various difficult things
that are going on in my life at the moment.
would have attempted to get a grip on the emotional stuff, by boxing it up and
burying it and would reign in the eating with a brand new diet or exercise
regime. Brilliant for a few weeks. The needle on the scales would drop, I’d feel
hungry but delighted at my newly found food control and I’d sincerely believe
that this time, I’d cracked it and this would be how I would live my life
forever. Then I’d have an off day and
eat something I shouldn’t, or miss an exercise workout. The guilt and failure would pile on in and
the binge would start. I’d end up in a
few months, much larger, depressed and wondering where on earth it all went
wrong and berating myself; if only I had more self control.
What did I do
I posted how I am
feeling to the group. I sent out an SOS
that I’m not feeling so great. I sat
with my feelings for a while and tried to work out exactly what I am feeling
and why. I really listened to my body
and my mind. I wrote some stuff
down. I talked to my husband. Where is this coming from? What does it mean? I allowed myself to feel. There is stuff around that should not be
boxed and buried. It’s stuff I need to
allow space to acknowledge, to feel and to not try to ‘solve’. Not jumping in and trying to provide immediate
solutions for the hard stuff in life, has been the most challenging thing I’ve
I have my toolbox of things I can do. I
have areas of the course I can turn to, to work through exactly what’s going
on. I have the ability now to reach out,
acknowledge what I’m feeling and to ask for support from the group and also
from my family and friends. I will practice newly found self care skills. I have a whole new way of approaching this. I have no idea if I’ll lose any gained weight
in the process, but I strongly suspect that, as I deal with what’s happening,
my weight will stabilize and most likely come back down.
What I do know is
that I won’t be inviting another yo yo of bingeing/starving.
What I do know is
that I have been given a precious life gift.